What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
