I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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