It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
