im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
