you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
