i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
