Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
