Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
