The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
