Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
