she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
