i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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