You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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