Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
