I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
