she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if only i could text you this smell
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
