I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
