...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
