I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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