News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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