I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
