Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize