i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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