all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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