Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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