I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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