Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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