my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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