I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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