So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
