I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
