I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
