I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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