That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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