WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
