Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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