Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize