Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
