Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
