I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
