He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Found the puke drawer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Never underestimate the power of titties
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
