i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
