eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
