She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
