you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
