apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
