I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
