Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
