You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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