i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
