You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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