My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
