bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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