So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
