we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
