so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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