I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
