How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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