his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
