Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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