would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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