Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
