i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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