I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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