First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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