My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize