I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize