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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
