I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Less talking, more tequila
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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