haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
