did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
