peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize